The Art of Gossiping

You can't deny the fact that everybody loves gossiping.

Now, some may argue that females are more prone to this chattering.

If you feel that Men don't gossip; then it's the biggest myth!
The fact is, gossiping is never gender-biased. This starts from the very beginning of your life, be it in school or college, you tend to gossip. And this ’foreplay’ reaches its peak when you enter your workplace.

“सुना तुमने, राज और सिमरन के बीच कुछ चल रहा है...
दोनो रोज़ ऑफ़िस के बाद पानी-पूरी खाने जाते है...”

“इस काजल का नाम काजल नहीं बल्कि मक्खना होना चाहिए था... बॉस को मक्खन लगा-लगाकर प्रमोशन ले लेलिया...”

Such conversations are a part of the daily routine when you come to the office.

Once upon a time in one such office in India...

Yawning, you are trying to concentrate on your work when a colleague comes to you,

"Hey Dude, I heard something about you...”
(Now this is a very deadly statement to hear. When somebody tells you that he or she has heard 'something’ about you, your mind races towards hundred-odd things which could correspond to that something.)

"And what that something is?” Suspiciously you ask him, fearing what is kept for you in-store.

"I heard this... I heard that... and yes, I heard that as well!", he blushes, as if he has read the book on your life.

"And who the hell told you, all this nonsense?" you ask him a bit surprised.

"What’s his name? I don't remember.
Arnold Par...? I happened to have lunch with him today, but I don't know him", he confesses.

"Arnold Parkerson? From Sales and Services?" you ask, stressing on the name.

"I guess yes, Arnold Parkerson! Right! But I don't know him personally. Neither does he know me", he confesses again!

So the point here is, Arnold and your colleague don't know each other personally, but still, they tend to share gossip about you.

This anecdote proves that Men do gossip!

But while gossiping one should not forget the two basic rules -
1. Always gossip only in your closed circuit and not with any Tom, Dick and Harry.
2. Don't forget rule number 1.

These two rules were forgotten by Arnold while chattering in front of your colleague - a total stranger to him.

Because if you keep gossiping with anybody and everybody, then there will be some notorious elements in society who will make sure to make a gossip of you by writing about you in Media, Social Media and wherever possible!

An urgent call

(Though this is a work of creative fiction, then this may happen with anybody and everybody. Parental guidance is advised for reading this piece of shit)

You are visiting a tourist destination. The place is of historical importance and is a part of our national heritage.

They are playing an informative video singing the glory of the place when you receive a call.

No, it’s a call neither from your loved ones nor from your friend. But still, it’s that call which you can’t ignore.

When NATURE CALLS, no matter you are a kid or a full grown adult, no matter you are a मर्द or an औरत, you have no choice but to address it!

Though they are providing some really interesting information in the video, your heart is really not into it. Your mind is busy, devising the further action plan.

The moment the video gets over, you run helter-skelter (as if you are running for your life) in search of a washroom. The security guard in the premises is kind enough to guide you towards one of the makeshift toilets made at the other end.

Happily you break open the door which has GENTS written over it in black paint. But there seems to be some problem, you don’t go inside. In hurry, you then open the adjacent door. Horror strikes when you realise that both the toilets have only urinals and there is not a single pot available for potty!

In dismay, you run towards the same security guard. He pities at your condition but then he understands.

“Ladies में चले जाओ!” He suggests.

You look at him amazed as if asking him,

”Are you crazy?”

He gives you a look in response as if asking you,

“Do you have a choice?”

And you run again, this time towards another makeshift toilet which has “Ladies” written on it.

There, you see a lady waiting outside for her small kid to come out.

Desperate, you ask her -

(Next few lines are better expressed in Hindi so the language switch)

आप जो हर लड़की को, फिर उसकी उमर १६ हो या ३६, अपनी होने वाली Girlfriend की नज़र से देखते है, इस बार मजबूरी में कहते है,

“दीदी, वह बगल वाला toilet खाली है क्या, देखो ना दीदी”

She looks at you in disgust and shouts-

“भैय्या, यह ladies toilet हैं!”

“दीदी, मैं guard से permission लेक़र आया हूँ!” You respond, controlling all the pressure which has befallen you.

And those expressions on your face are enough for the lady to get convinced and just like the security guard, she too understands.

She nods and makes a way for you to enter your palace (heaven?) of the moment. You get inside quicker than the speed of wind and shut the door from behind... thud!

Next few moments which you experience; no words in any language can describe that feeling - eternal bliss!

Contented as you are done with the act, you look around, and then you shout the F word aloud!

What else can you do?

When you find out that there is no water in the toilet!

Being Virgo

Tuesday morning seems no worse than a Monday morning when you have had your Birthday celebration a night before.

The hangover still isn't over yet!

When you are a teetotaller and when you have lovely ladies at home who are no less than Master chefs and to add to it when your wife herself is a Home Baker, the hangover you suffer from is of Food, Desserts and Cakes!

Once in the office bus;
With sleepy eyes, as you try to concentrate on the morning newspaper, a fellow commuter asks you,

”Hey! Why are you still carrying an umbrella? It's a sunny day, boy!” (No, he doesn't address you as ’boy’ but having recently celebrated your 32nd Birthday, you wish he does! Because, दिल तो अभी बच्चा है, जी!)

You smile at him; not at all bothered to reply in detail.

But, then in your heart, you are already replying to him;

You tell him -

That you are a September born!

Being a September born, you are a Virgo!

Being a Virgo, you are overprotective about things!

Being overprotective, you don't take chances!

And since you don't take chances (not at least with weather), you are carrying an Umbrella!!!

And you know what?

In the late evening, as you return from the office,

It starts raining!

Artificial Intelligence, Indeed!

In an era obsessed with AI, virtual characters like Siri and Alexa are on the verge of becoming common household names.

Be it Google, Alexa or Siri, one thing which is common among all these Virtual Assistants is that they are supremely intelligent. They use your own data and demonstrate their intelligence in order to assist you.

On the night of October 1, as you prepare for your bed, Siri pops up on your phone.

Yawning, you ask her,

“Hey, Siri, What’s up?”

In a very caring tone, she suggests,

“My calendar shows that tomorrow is a government holiday. Please put your daily alarm off.”

You look at her in awe, then in dismay and then in anger and scream,

“बहन, Corporate Employees का दर्द तुम क्या जानो बहन!”